I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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