Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
