She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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