My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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