i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
