I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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