You just made me feel so damn special
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
