apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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