That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
