yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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