So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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