dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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