nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
