White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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