i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
