I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
