is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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