Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
