What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize