were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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