i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
