Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
