Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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