You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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