i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
