Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's shark week go big or go home
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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