Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
