if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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