and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
