6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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