just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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