I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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