I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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