3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Randomize
