I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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