No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
