There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
