Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He felt like a one man threesome
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
