can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
