Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
