I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she told me i tasted like america
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize