I just made out with a guy for $7.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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