does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
