they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
