I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
