Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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