No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Randomize
