my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
