Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
