Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
