dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
