HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
