So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
