how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
