did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
