At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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