hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
