It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
