i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
