Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
