if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
