Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just found a bag of teeth...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
