they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
