you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
