But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Damn victory sex feels great
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