Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
