My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize