all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
