May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
