We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
